Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
