dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
