Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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