The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've blown a few things in my day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
