Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
