I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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