In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
