Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
