Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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