Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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