I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We need to get me chipped asap
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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