Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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