pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
