I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
