Barsexuality is the new black.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
