like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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