There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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