bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
