How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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