I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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