I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
