I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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