I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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