I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
