Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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