And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
