I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
