it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
