So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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