i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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