life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
