I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
