Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
