I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You smell like stripper and shame
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
