what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
