When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
