how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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