On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
