i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
