So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
