FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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