I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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