I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
