Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
