YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
