it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
