My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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