I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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