why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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