Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
