When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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