"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
