I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
