census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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