Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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